I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
