She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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