he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
