It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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