oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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