What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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