you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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