i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
