I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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