I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm too high and old for this...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
