he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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