4 words: hood of his car
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize