If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
