No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
