My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
