I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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