The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
