Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
