she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
home. puking in laundry basket.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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