We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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