Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
