that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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