At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize