Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
