In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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