Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
