And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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