Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
