Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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