Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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