yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
