Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
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he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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