I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
