I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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