Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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