i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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