can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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