We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
