I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
