thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Still dying that you shit outside
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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