My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
