I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
