I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
