He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
love makes seman taste better
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
