I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
