she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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