i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
