I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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