my mouth tastes like poor choices
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
