he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
