Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
