The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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