i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
