I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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