I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
did you just send me my own nude
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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