do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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