I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
