My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
