i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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