I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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