lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
