oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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