We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
