HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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