Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
