My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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