We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
