Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
