Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
