i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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