so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
