Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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